pork chop rice

this was supposed to be just a quick sketch but like most of my quick sketches i quickly get into the skin tone rendering and such and such until this was completed after 2/3 (quick unfocused) sessions.

i had a eureka sort of moment while waiting on the line for lunch. after pondering about my 'monster', i realized i'm putting to much pressure on my dream of pursuing an art career when i could just enjoy it. just draw. just color. just do art for art's sake. maybe not even for art's sake but just 'cause i can and want.

anyway, i saw this blouse(on a girl) who was already enjoying her pork chop lunch while i was on the queue. and another amazing thought came to mind - i'm on the process of creating a new wardrobe :D

demotivated

nothing new today. nothing new for the last week actually. i feel really down, artwise. like i'm just wasting time and will never make it. it's fear of the would-be-failure. this is a horrible monster i'm facing right now. it got me stuck. my feet are cold (partly due to aircon) and they don't feel like moving.

i was looking for art scholarships a while ago but i stopped because i need money more than an art scholarship right now. it sucks to be a poor person with a dream. besides, do i have the guns to win an art scholarship.

i guess this year i ought to be more dedicated to my self-teaching of art, give more time to it. discipline is my weak point and if i am to get anywhere with my art dream i have to fight my laziness. easier said than done.

i have been at this a lot of times, trying to motivate myself but this pessimist in my head would not shut up. will i get anywhere? no use asking that now.

i hope things fall into place for me. this massive space could possibly align itself correctly and land me an art career. next year i hope i'm rich enough to do what i want. (yeah right, will we ever be rich enough?)